The never-ending struggle

Today is my day to post over at Losing it in Ottawa.

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been doing this for 39 weeks and that we’re just 13 weeks away from our first anniversary.

Honestly, after such a long time, I thought I’d be a lot further along in my progress, which has me wondering what to do next. Do I continue, even though I know that I’m not giving weight loss top priority in my life anymore? Or is this part of the journey for me?

The comments so far in response have been full of the support that the LIO community has become known for. I’m blown away and humbled by the support shown every single time my posts are published. 

Chats with Matt Episode 6: Story of my Life

Last Sunday Night

Matt comes in with groceries and as he’s unpacking them, he holds up a can of Jalapeño Pringles, no doubt thinking I’d be so proud!

Me: Matt, I asked you not to buy anymore of those. 

Matt: No, that was ice cream.

Me: I asked you not to buy that too.

Matt: Oh, well I did.

Me: Matt!

Matt: I’m just kidding. I only bought the chips.

Me: Okay, no more though.

Matt: Okay.

One SHORT week later…

Matt comes in with groceries and as he’s unpacking them, he holds up a can of Jalapeño Pringles, no doubt thinking I’d be so proud!

Me: Matt, I asked you not to buy anymore of those. 

Matt: No, that was ice cream.

Me: I asked you not to buy that too.

Matt: Oh, well I did.

Me: Matt!

Matt: I’m just kidding. I only bought the chips.

Me: I wish I could say this was déjà vu.

This really happened. And it wasn’t the first time. It’s kinda scary how often we repeat conversations. Of course, it makes for easy blog fodder. All I have to do is copy and paste the first half of my post. :)

Update: Guess what he bought last night?

To Be Continued…

December 28 – Achieve (#reverb10)

December 28 – Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. Author: Tara Sophia Mohr

In 2010, I started a weight loss journey - one that was more about changing my ways than actually going on a diet.  In fact, I’ve lost over 18lbs. without adhering to a structured diet plan (Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc.). I didn’t want to be constrained by rules that I’ll inevitably “break” and feel bad about. So, I’ve committed to take steps to eat better and exercise. It was my goal to lose 1.5 pounds a week, which would have put me at roughly 30lbs. as of the end of the year. Alas, I didn’t even hit the 20lbs. mark and I’m okay with that. The last few months of this year were surprisingly stressful. 

Just before the end of the year, I was out at a holiday get-together with many of my twitter friends and this lovely lady pointed out that slow or fast, it’s not a race. It’s about changing my life and that takes time. There will be days when I don’t eat as healthy as others. But the goal is to reprogram my ingrained habits so that the healthy choices become the default rather than an afterthought.

So, that’s what I want to achieve this year - a new frame of mind. The process is already started and moving along smoothly, but I’d love that switch to be flipped so the changes feel like they are a part of who I am and what I do on a daily basis rather than something I have to constantly work at.

I know my weight will probably always be a struggle, but by exchanging my unhealthy habits for healthy ones, I can hopefully get to a point of maintaining a healthy weight. If I happened to get to said healthy weight in 2011, I could live with that achievement as well.

I'm Losing It today!

Every time I make a healthy choice for myself, it’s a victory. Add each one up, and eventually I win!

So, come on over and see how week 2 went. It was a rough week, but there were still plenty of victories to celebrate. I’ve also included a review of my new favorite calorie tracking app, MyFitnessPal, which is helping keep me aware of the choices I’m making everyday. I also love that I can use it just about anywhere since they have an app for the iPhone (and Android), too! 

I want to do this, but am I truly ready?

Last September, I wrote a post that continues to be the second most popular since I started blogging. I basically put myself out there in a way that was (for me) simultaneously scary terrifying and refreshing. I was brutally honest about my health, my abilities and what I wanted to do to overcome some of the obstacles that were limiting me.

Ten months later, I can’t believe how badly I’ve let myself down. I had a good thing going last fall and I let it slip away. I had some legitimate reasons in the beginning, but after a while it was just the same old excuses. At the end of the day, there is no one and nothing to blame other than me.

Here’s the brutal, honest truth in short form: I know intellectually how to eat well. I know intellectually how to exercise. (I’ve actually worked out with 3 different trainers for a couple of years and learned a ton from them.) My problem is that I grew up with bad habits and I haven’t ever gotten far enough to break the habits by creating new ones. Something always trips me up - mentally, emotionally or physically. But somehow I have to keep going through those things, because that’s just the way life is. And I can’t experience life to the fullest if I’m not at my healthiest.

I don’t want to let myself down again. I don’t want to let Matt and Brandon down again. I need a healthy Karen and they need a healthy Karen.

It’s time.