I want to do this, but am I truly ready?

Last September, I wrote a post that continues to be the second most popular since I started blogging. I basically put myself out there in a way that was (for me) simultaneously scary terrifying and refreshing. I was brutally honest about my health, my abilities and what I wanted to do to overcome some of the obstacles that were limiting me.

Ten months later, I can’t believe how badly I’ve let myself down. I had a good thing going last fall and I let it slip away. I had some legitimate reasons in the beginning, but after a while it was just the same old excuses. At the end of the day, there is no one and nothing to blame other than me.

Here’s the brutal, honest truth in short form: I know intellectually how to eat well. I know intellectually how to exercise. (I’ve actually worked out with 3 different trainers for a couple of years and learned a ton from them.) My problem is that I grew up with bad habits and I haven’t ever gotten far enough to break the habits by creating new ones. Something always trips me up - mentally, emotionally or physically. But somehow I have to keep going through those things, because that’s just the way life is. And I can’t experience life to the fullest if I’m not at my healthiest.

I don’t want to let myself down again. I don’t want to let Matt and Brandon down again. I need a healthy Karen and they need a healthy Karen.

It’s time. 

Can't sleep, so thought I'd write what I'm thinking about instead of sleeping

I have had a lot of goals for myself this year. The primary one is to get active, eat healthy, live healthy…all things I want for my son, so I gotta set the example, ya know?

I just get really bogged down by life in general. Then I start thinking that I *should* be doing this or that and I really start to wig out. Lately, the big thing I keep thinking I should try doing is running. Every couple of years, I start to feel this motivation to throw on some kicks and train. Why? I have no earthly idea. Honestly, I can’t think of anything more boring. I hate running. But I know it would be one of the fastest ways for me to get in shape and I’d get some pretty huge benefits from it. I’m actually pretty seriously thinking about pursuing it this year, though. we just got a Chariot for Brandon (second-hand) and we just happened to get it with a jogging kit. We also bought a bike kit which is the one I’m most interested in.

Why not bike, you ask? Uh, well, I will. It’s just not really warm enough for my tastes, but walking and running are totally doable in this weather. But I started thinking about my history of running. As a kid, my brothers and I used to do the Jingle Bell Run in Tallahassee. It was so much fun and I could actually run the 1.8km. If I could do 0.1km now, I’d be surprised. With Brandon almost a year old (just over a week left!) I’m feeling the pressure to get more active. Not from others, but from myself. I would like to be able to keep up with the little guy when he starts walking.

So, I guess I’ve decided to give it a shot…this is gonna be interesting.