Wedding window shopping

I’m from the U.S. Born there. Grew up there. Learned the ways of the world there. 

Except for the whole royalty thing. We don’t have royalty there so the fascination with royals of any nation is foreign to me. Actually, all this hullaballoo about anyone with a little noteriety is too much for me, but what do I know?

Despite my obvious shortcomings in this department, when Mama Kat challenged me to make a list of 10 wedding gift suggestions for William and Catherine, I decided it was the perfect opportunity for me to do a little window shopping.


1) Because girls really need to have pretty nails. And if you can get a machine to do it, so much the better. Catherine should unwrap this one right away so she can use it for the big day. Diana dazzled the world with her serene grace in the face of Charles. Catherine can make a statement with her nails. With the ability to do customised designs from jpegs, she could (almost) literally wear her heart on her fingertips - in the form of William’s face. Or she could pick another picture - it’s just an idea.

2) Happiness is a lighted pair of earbuds for that honeymoon journey. Because who wants to talk to their new spouse when travelling? Or, for the nervous traveller, these ear buds make you happy. (Or, could it be that blocking out the noise of other passengers makes you happy? I know my happiness increases about 100-fold when I have earbuds in on the bus.) Not that the happy couple needs to worry about buses. Come to think of it, they probably have full control over other passengers on the plane too. Oh well, they can save them for when they’re having “one of those days”.

3) For the truly green-thumbed bride and groom. Honestly, this one is total group gift material. I mean, who could resist 8 Tools to Help you Grow a Nice Green Garden? I’m sure the royal gardeners would appreciate the help. Honestly, though, I saw this title and I couldn’t help but giggle. I immediately pictured 8 people who would be the 8 “tools”. This is the downside of all this reimagining the English language. I get totally sidetracked from my true purpose.

4) No wedding is complete without a life-size cutout of the bride and groom. Don’t scoff. I know it’s not the usual thing to have at your wedding, but I think William and Catherine are going to be trendsetters with this one. If they were smart, they could have one made of them doing the royal wave so they can take a snack break or something. Perhaps if that one worked well, they could split the receiving line in two. No? Okay, maybe they should just place it artfully somewhere in their house, er, castle? to be admired by guests.

5) Weddings are great for useful kitchen gadget gifts…like pizza cutters!! And this hip royal couple (who I hope are kinda geeky, tech savvy types since that’s all I’m gifting them) would surely appreciate a pizza cutter in the shape of the Star Trek Enterprise. It’s perfect for those quiet Friday nights after a long week of…engagements (the royal kind) and all you want is to call and order a double pepperoni. Of course we all know that you have to cut the slices again after delivery. Why not do it in geeky style?

6) The iCADE iPad Holder Case Arcade Cabinet(!). Play on your royal iPad in style on that honeymoon journey with this sweet little slice of life. It’s the easiest way to go retro in modern style. The portability is much improved over it’s 1980s counterparts. Playing Pac-Man has never been so much fun as when you get to do it old school style - with a joystick. Who needs an accelerometer anyway? Silly Apple. They really missed the boat with all these i-things.

7) A secret decoder ring. William and Catherine are royals and as such privacy and discretion is key. How will they whisper sweet nothings to each other without someone overhearing? Well, why not skip all the bling that usually ends up on your ring finger after the wedding and go with something really practical. This decoder ring would make communication so much easier and discreet. Downside is apparently you have to write it out to decode. That’s tricky. Is there an app for that instead?

8) “All the fun of candles without the danger”. Imagine the possibilities. A free evening with no state dinners or other such engagements to attend. Just William and Catherine with free time to spend a romantic evening together. How do you have a candlelight dinner and prevent a fire? Well, of course they do it with LED candles - you can even blow them out. How nice would it be to not have to search for matches or a lighter?

9) Good geeks like to bake…cookies…and store them in a lovely cookie jar. For those lazy weekend afternoons when the newlyweds decide to do some baking together, this handy dandy zombie cookie jar will give them the perfect place to store their goodies. My guess is that it will remind them of the happiness they experienced throughout their honeymoon as they play Plants vs. Zombies side-by-side on the plane, cheering each other on. The only way this cookie jar could get better is if it said, “BRAINS!”, when you open the lid. That’s also valuable when somone has their hand in the cookie jar a little too often!

10) You know it’s gonna happen, so you might as well just start getting ready. “William and Catherine sittin’ in a tree. K. I. S. S. I. N. G. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage! *gasp* A baby! Who knows when - I won’t pretend to know their plans, but the likelihood is great with all that pressure on William to produce an heir to the thrown. So, what’s a busy royal couple to do when they have to leave the baby behind and go to their royal engagements? This remotely soothing baby monitor is the answer to all their parenting needs. How excited would they be to open this on their wedding day!? I bet you would be too.

So, what do you think? Are these presents worthy to be in the royal house of William and Catherine? And, more importantly, which one do YOU want?