Day 4 - Addition Through Subtraction (#reverb11)

Addition through subtraction - What have you let go of this year and how has it affected you?

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I had to make the very difficult decision to let go of Losing it in Ottawa. In fact, this prompt title is perfectly suited to the reasons I let it go. 

It’s been good in many ways because I wasn’t giving it the attention it needed. I’d lost my passion to continue my own journey. It’s been good because it’s led to other opportunities, like joining Kids in the Capital.

It’s been bad because my focus has wavered completely and I’m digressing worse than ever. 

I didn’t think I would stop so completely, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I was feeling burnt out, frustrated and discouraged. Not a good combination for success.

I know it doesn’t have to stay this way. I think about what I want to do all the time. I need to get back to business again.

And I have a plan in mind to get back on track. Stay tuned.

The never-ending struggle

Today is my day to post over at Losing it in Ottawa.

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been doing this for 39 weeks and that we’re just 13 weeks away from our first anniversary.

Honestly, after such a long time, I thought I’d be a lot further along in my progress, which has me wondering what to do next. Do I continue, even though I know that I’m not giving weight loss top priority in my life anymore? Or is this part of the journey for me?

The comments so far in response have been full of the support that the LIO community has become known for. I’m blown away and humbled by the support shown every single time my posts are published. 

Chats with Matt Episode 6: Story of my Life

Last Sunday Night

Matt comes in with groceries and as he’s unpacking them, he holds up a can of Jalapeño Pringles, no doubt thinking I’d be so proud!

Me: Matt, I asked you not to buy anymore of those. 

Matt: No, that was ice cream.

Me: I asked you not to buy that too.

Matt: Oh, well I did.

Me: Matt!

Matt: I’m just kidding. I only bought the chips.

Me: Okay, no more though.

Matt: Okay.

One SHORT week later…

Matt comes in with groceries and as he’s unpacking them, he holds up a can of Jalapeño Pringles, no doubt thinking I’d be so proud!

Me: Matt, I asked you not to buy anymore of those. 

Matt: No, that was ice cream.

Me: I asked you not to buy that too.

Matt: Oh, well I did.

Me: Matt!

Matt: I’m just kidding. I only bought the chips.

Me: I wish I could say this was déjà vu.

This really happened. And it wasn’t the first time. It’s kinda scary how often we repeat conversations. Of course, it makes for easy blog fodder. All I have to do is copy and paste the first half of my post. :)

Update: Guess what he bought last night?

To Be Continued…

December 28 – Achieve (#reverb10)

December 28 – Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. Author: Tara Sophia Mohr

In 2010, I started a weight loss journey - one that was more about changing my ways than actually going on a diet.  In fact, I’ve lost over 18lbs. without adhering to a structured diet plan (Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc.). I didn’t want to be constrained by rules that I’ll inevitably “break” and feel bad about. So, I’ve committed to take steps to eat better and exercise. It was my goal to lose 1.5 pounds a week, which would have put me at roughly 30lbs. as of the end of the year. Alas, I didn’t even hit the 20lbs. mark and I’m okay with that. The last few months of this year were surprisingly stressful. 

Just before the end of the year, I was out at a holiday get-together with many of my twitter friends and this lovely lady pointed out that slow or fast, it’s not a race. It’s about changing my life and that takes time. There will be days when I don’t eat as healthy as others. But the goal is to reprogram my ingrained habits so that the healthy choices become the default rather than an afterthought.

So, that’s what I want to achieve this year - a new frame of mind. The process is already started and moving along smoothly, but I’d love that switch to be flipped so the changes feel like they are a part of who I am and what I do on a daily basis rather than something I have to constantly work at.

I know my weight will probably always be a struggle, but by exchanging my unhealthy habits for healthy ones, I can hopefully get to a point of maintaining a healthy weight. If I happened to get to said healthy weight in 2011, I could live with that achievement as well.

December 17 – Lesson Learned (#reverb10)

December 17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

Back in July, I felt a sincere desire to make some changes, but I lacked any motivation at that time to take the necessary steps to move forward. I questioned my readiness to  do what needed to be done.

As others came out of the woodwork with similar issues, we formed this amazing group that have bonded on this journey we’re taking together. Through the beginning, I maintained almost constant doubts about myself even as week after week things went well. I was doing it, even as I felt unmotivated, uninspired and inadequate. I not even sure where all of these feelings came from; they were just there. 

When everything went ass over tea kettle, my doubts came rushing back and now they’re holding me hostage - even six weeks later! This week I’ve been trying to conquer this mental block. I want to say again, “ready or not, here I go!” And then I want to see success again.

I know I can. I already proved it to myself once, but I keep forgetting that lesson.

I need to do burn it on my brain somehow so that I don’t forget.

Today is a new day, a new week, so ready or not, here I go!!