People are speaking up about the inequity in media coverage and general reaction to the attacks and Beirut and Paris last week.Read More
When I was asked if I wanted to do anything with Ford Ottawa for Father's Day, I jumped at the chance. We've been talking for about six months now about getting a second vehicle. Our top contenders were the Ford Escape and the Ford Focus. The Escape has been eliminated from the short list and I've added the Ford Fiesta as of last week when I saw the non-hatchback version - super cute! We really like our SUV and want a small, more fuel-efficient second vehicle. Sadly, the C-Max is not in our price range. (Bummer! I sure loved it!)
As you might have noticed, I'm a little late writing about Father's Day. I'm perpetually late these days, to be honest. Although, I did get Matt his Father's Day present early - as in the same week as Mother's Day. Let's just say I way overestimated how long it would take to come. Father's Day part two will be a whole week of taking a car we may purchase for a test run and the thing we both want to check out the most? The tech!
Matt's been talking about Ford's technology for years. Each time I've used one of the Ford vehicles for trips, he's had to look it over, but this is the first time I'm not taking the car and leaving him. It will be right in our driveway for a full week for him to peruse to his heart's content. And I'll be right there by his side.
All this talk about driving a Ford got me reminiscent. I have a lot - a LOT - of Fords in my past. In fact, not counting my current vehicle - which has the distinction of being my very first brand new car purchase ever - my favorite and least favorite vehicles to drive were both Fords.
My favorite was the Ford Bronco II. In fact, the SUV we have right now handles so much like that Bronco II, that might be why I enjoy driving it so much. The Bronco II was my first standard transmission and I actually learned to drive stick in it. Actually, it wasn't mine. My brother had a very unfortunate knee injury which meant he couldn't drive standard for quite a while. So, he gave me his Bronco II and I gave him my Ford Tempo. The trade was fairly even. The truck didn't have A/C anymore and the Tempo didn't have much pickup. ;) Once I got the hang of driving stick, that truck was a dream to drive. I finally understood why people enjoy driving vehicles with standard transmissions. Everyone should learn...including Matt so we can finally buy one!
The least favorite car is probably a predecessor of the Ford Tempo. And, like the Tempo, it is not a jewel in Ford's design and performance history, I'm sure. Even Scott Monty would probably have trouble marketing the Ford Fairmont circa 198-whatever year it was - '81 or '83, I think. I drove it in the mid '90s, so it had aged a fair bit. I told my mom it would go zero to sixty in five minutes. I would even lean forward in the driver's seat as I went up hills (Tallahassee is a hillacious city!) and willing the car to just please go.
I also drove a Ford Taurus for a while. I didn't even care that I was 18 driving a family sedan. It was a nice car and it had a keypad on the door so I could lock my keys in the car and not have to worry about getting back in. That feature and the miles to empty (this was in the U.S., not Canada) saved me numerous times.
So, I'm really looking forward to using Ford technology again in the Ford Focus [PDF] and spend a week poking around and really getting to know what the car can do.
A woman recently took a train trip. According to this woman, a group of men sitting next to her allegedly spent the entire two hour train ride boasting about the affairs they were having while their wives (supposedly) remained blissfully ignorant.
At some point, she took a picture of one man in this group. Then she posted it to Facebook where it has since been shared 197,038 times (as I write this). The average Facebook user has around 120-130 friends. Even accounting for overlap, that means millions of people have potentially seen this man's face with the message that he is a cheater. That isn't to mention articles and blogs that have posted the picture. (Sorry, you won't find it or a link to it here.)
I don't condone cheating, but this situation is sickening to me.
This week, news broke that the US government is looking at users' call data. And the internet exploded with opinions on the matter. The most vocal are those who are against this kind of invasion of privacy.
We don't like the government looking into our personal business (even when it's as seemingly innocuous as phone numbers and call times), but some are quite okay with the kind of public shaming that took place when a private citizen posted a picture of another private citizen with a serious accusation simply because he was having a conversation in a public place.
I can't help but wonder if this is the direction we're heading. Will every public action we take be scrutinized, documented and shared with the world to be judged?
If this is the way social media is going to go, I want no part of it. Assuming this man actually is cheating on his wife, can you imagine how humiliating it would be to find out that a) your husband is cheating on you (if she was unaware), b) millions now know about it, c) your kids (if they have them) could find out how many people found out before them. I can only imagine the damage that would do to the immediate and extended family of this man and they don't deserve to be collateral damage.
There's no excuse for cheating. None.
There's also no excuse for publicly shaming someone.
People are human; they make mistakes. Some people make more than others and some mistakes have much bigger consequences. I think there needs to be a little more Golden Rule in our actions and less cheering for the downfall of those who (allegedly) make mistakes.
At the end of the day, we all screw up in big and small ways. Would you want your biggest mistakes broadcast across the internet for everyone in the world to see and comment on?
My friend, Annie, recently wrote about Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg - two very accomplished women - and their decisions and comments that could be detrimental to families should their philosophies be openly implemented far and wide. Mayer's no-working-from-home inflexibility is already a reality in many businesses and I have no doubt that the law doesn't stop businesses from asking women about their plans for having a family. I have personally had comments made to me on more than one occasion that were at least borderline if not outright illegal.
A lot of the articles around these recent events are about achieving balance in families. The question of balance is often heavily weighted toward the need for it in women, but what about men? Or, what about overall balance in the family unit?
Actually, let me back up and say I don't believe there is such a thing as balance in the sense of a one size fits all amount of time to spend working and with family. I also don't think that balance for one family is going to look the same as balance for another family. I've written about the juggling act of work and family and gender roles before and - after reading it again - things have changed quite a lot for us in the last two years.
What our balance looks like
Since 2013 began, I've reduced my hours at my day job from full-time to part-time. This change was supported by my employer without hesitation. My co-workers have been equally supportive. My husband has given me an incredible amount of support as I pursue building a new business, but my new business is every bit as much work for him as it is for me. It's created an imbalance (temporarily for an indeterminate period of time) that was hard for him at first - change doesn't come easy to him. However, he worked through that adjustment in our lives and accepted it gracefully. His support of what I am doing has been unwavering since. I give him full credit for his efforts because it's just not easy to go from the surety and "security" of a salary to the ebbs and flows of consulting work.
I'm painfully aware that I allow Matt to do far more than his fair share of housework and parenting. He works full-time, does dishes, his laundry, cleans, vacuums, takes out the trash, buys groceries, gets the mail, and countless other things.
I've been sick for most of this year with one bug or another and working late most nights added to illness added to working through the day have made me drowsy and sluggish in the mornings. I wake up later and later and my poor husband bears the brunt of getting himself ready, getting Brandon ready, making breakfast for both of them, packing Brandon's lunch, book bag and daycare bag, packing the car and ushering everyone out the door. It's taken a toll on him and he's stressed and tired, so that imbalance has to shift.
We only have one car, so the commute involves first dropping Brandon off, then Matt, and I take the car most days. Brandon is at daycare for 9-9.5 hours. I pick Matt up first and he and I go spend some time at home alone. We talk about our day, do a bit of cleaning, then one or both of us will go pick up Brandon.
Unless Brandon has therapy. In that case, he gets picked up early and I take him to his appointments. I've taken on the lion's share of paperwork, appointments and other logistics of getting Brandon treatment. Matt is aware of what's going on and stays involved, but I have more flexibility for appointments and Brandon has many, many appointments. There is a perceived imbalance and I do more than my "fair" share, but it's working better than if I insisted Matt help.
We typically get home in the evening between 5:30 and 6:00. Matt or I prepare dinner for Brandon. I sometimes prepare dinner for myself. Sometimes we all three even eat together, but our dinnertime flexibility allows Brandon time to play, which is something he needs. He goes to bed early and he needs downtime as well. I dream of the day when we all three sit at a table at the same time to eat every night. We're not there yet, and it may take a while, but this is what works for our family right now. We're spending time together and that's the important thing.
After dinner and playtime, Brandon gets to watch a little TV before bed. At bedtime, I lay down with Brandon for him to settle into rest more quickly. I enjoy this one-on-one snuggle time with my baby and I would miss it if he stopped wanting it, even though there have been many nights I wished I didn't have to do it. Matt spends this time eating his dinner or doing various household chores. Nearly every night when I leave Brandon's room, I head to the office to work some more.
By 10pm most nights, Matt is in bed trying to sleep, if not out cold. I try to shut down at 11pm and then spend some time reading to wind down my brain. However, it'snot unusual for me to stay up until 2am or 3am if I get really focused on something. (It's no wonder I'm sluggish at 6am.)
Some nights, I go out to functions, which leaves Matt in charge of doing everything for the evening. He doesn't complain and I know I've got it good.
This time in our lives is tricky. It's requiring Matt to sacrifice his hobbies and downtime. It hasn't been easy for him and I won't pretend it hasn't caused problems between us. The better my business does, and the more Matt sees that I'm not leading us down the garden path, the less he minds the sacrifice. I like to think he is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I am.
Like Sarah Lacy, I don't expect anyone else to want *my* life and *my* version of balance for themselves. This is what works for me and my family right now. A year from now, the picture will likely look very different.
If individual couples can figure out that balance requires flexibility and constant renegotiation, then companies need to learn that as well. They may just find that employees enjoy their work and become more productive as a result.