The Just-In-Case Agreement

I have conflicted feelings about prenuptial agreements.

My first, black-and-white, unflinchingly rigid view is that they are an unnecessary agreement designed to give either or both parties an out while protecting their interests.

If two people are serious about marriage, shouldn’t there be a commitment to work hard to make it work rather than creating an opt-out arrangement before the vows are said? 

But…

People make mistakes. People misjudge character. People make hasty decisions they regret. People change in ways that are not acceptable. 

Divorce is an unfortunate reality in many of these cases.

But…

Should many of those relationships have ever evolved to the point of marriage? I once asked my mom why she married her first husband. She said simply, “Love is blind.” From that, I made one very significant assumption - that there were clues to his nature that she missed or ignored.

Could it be that at least a percentage of those 50% of marriages that end shouldn’t have ever begun?

The choice to marry (or become a life partner) is a monumental decision that can’t be entered into lightly. But I sometimes feel that “being committed” these days is too often about waiting until a better offer comes along. Or boredom strikes. Or something goes wrong.

But…

It really isn’t black-and-white, is it? Personally, I can’t imagine the heartache involved in going through a divorce. I’m fortunate to be married to a man that I believe with all my heart I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I believe he’s as committed to me as I am to him.

But…

I bet there are women and men who felt that way about their partners and ended up on the other side of a divorce anyway.

I sincerely hope my words don’t come across as judgmental - that’s truly not my intent. My conclusion? Yay or Nay? I guess this is the question I would ask myself if a prenup came up:

Do I really want to marry this person if I/they need a document that “protects” my/their interests in the event of a divorce?

It’s not a yay or a nay, but a urging to look seriously at the relationship. Perhaps the relationship is so good that the prenup is just a piece of paper with words that will never matter. In the end, I think it’s much like the decision of whether to change your name - personal and nobody else’s business.

For me it was a nay. When you’ve got no interests to protect, there’s no need to bother. ;)

*****

This post was based on the prompt “Prenuptial Agreement…Yay or Nay? Explain.” from Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writer’s Workshop.