Unwanted Change

Within the last year, I’ve had some experiences that have slowly changed me. I feel myself becoming more cynical, negative, even jaded. I’ve found myself feeling overly suspicious of people’s motives and intentions. It’s partly a coping mechanism, but I don’t like this new aspect of myself. 

I like to think I’m a trustworthy person and I’m willing to trust people at their word until proven otherwise. But I’m starting to question what I’m told on a regular basis. I think it’s healthy to be discerning, but automatic distrust is hard for me. It doesn’t feel right.

The battle between my natural instinct to accept everyday occurrences at face value and my newly minted cynical side is weighing me down with stress. I alternate between resistance to this change and wanting to go with the flow because it’s easier.

It took me months (and my husband’s input) to see this was happening, and weeks to figure out the answer to the problem.

Just as I do with my son when he’s getting upset, I have to remove myself from the situation. It won’t be as easy as plucking a child off the floor and carrying them to another room, but one way or another I’ll figure out how to make it happen. 

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Written in participation of Bigger Picture Moments, “A moment where you recognized the role your faith plays in your every day life. A moment where you take note of motherhood and the importance of what you are doing. A moment that made you stop and breathe in the bigness of it all. The hugeness that is life and the small moments adding up to one Bigger Picture.” Check out this week’s posts at Madeline Bea.