Five years of missing...

Debbie Chapman 1949-2006Last November, I hit the milestone of ten years living in Canada. In December, Matt and I celebrated ten years of being married. In August, we’ll celebrate ten years since our wedding day.

These milestones have been happy ones, associated with happy times and good changes.

But there’s one milestone that I mark this week has my stomach in knots and I’m not sure how to stem the tide of tears that are waiting to flow.

Five years she’s missed…

…the joyous news that we were having a baby.

…talking to me after his birth, learning his name.

…hearing about or seeing his escapades.

…holding him, hugging him, loving him.

…sharing in the moments of pride over his accomplishments.

…giving advice when he s sick or presenting his parents with a challenge to overcome.

…laughing when he says something funny.

Five years we’ve missed…

…her presence in our lives.

It’s hard to imagine a harder time to lose your mom, but it’s hard no matter when it happens. There’s never a time in life when you don’t need and want your mom around.

I miss my mom for a million reasons, but the one that brings the most acute sense of sorrow is knowing my son will learn about her only through pictures and stories that I share. I knew my mom and I knew how much she d love any child of mine.

Brandon doesn’t know her now, but he will.