Spring Cleaning & Projects, 2011 Edition

Last week, Matt and I were off to do Spring Cleaning! 

Yeah, we took an entire week off just to clean. We started this little tradition in 2009 just before Matt went back to work after being off for three months with Brandon. He started daycare the week we were off and we purged, scrubbed and scoured our home into blissful - though sadly temporary - spotlessness.

This is the week that we move the heavy furniture and find all those missing toys. It’s also the week we start talking about making big changes.

This year, the change we started discussing is the dining room. Currently, our dining room has a beautiful table with 6 chairs and a curio that call it home. But last week I found the words, “What do you think about selling the dining room set?”, falling out of my mouth. Yes, I want to sell this dining room set that we drooled over for two years before we could finally buy it once we were finally in our new home. The set that we wheeled and dealed for weeks to get down to the price that we wanted it for. 

The set that we use once a year on Thanksgiving.

THAT, my friends, is why I want to sell it. It’s completely wasted on us! We aren’t dinner party people. We are go home, grab whatever’s in the fridge - cereal? okay - sit down at the breakfast table to eat people. Our breakfast table is well-used. We pay it visits two times a day. And on the weekends, it gets a third visit. So, that’s the big plan we’re considering. I even took pictures of our lovely clean table to post to Kijiji when we are finally 100% sure. We’re still only sitting at about 90-95%.

Spring cleaning with Matt is fun. We fight constantly about anything and everything. Most of the time it’s not even a little bit serious or real. When we’re tired, there’s a possibility that we end up crossing the line into serious territory. We were exhausted by the end of last week and, honestly, I’m still recovering. Cleaning and genuinely purging your entire house in a week is actually quite a lot of work.

Our biggest job was our home office. We had boxes in that office that were never unpacked when we moved into this house almost 4 years ago. So, that was the top priority for the week. Finishing the office took almost 2 days. There’s still a fair bit of sorting, organizing and purging left to do, but we did the essentials that we knew we could finish.

This year, instead of just one big change project, we’re actually contemplating three. The first is the dining room, which I mentioned. I’m also thinking of donating my hardcopy books (most of them) to the Ottawa Public Library. I haven’t read most of them since I started reading e-books, so I’m beginning to think about letting them go. Especially ones I’ve grown out of. What do you think? Would you give up your hardcopy books? I rarely buy them now that I have a Kobo.

The third project has to do with the first. Once we sell that dining room furniture, we’ll have a big, empty cavern that’s going to need something to go in it. So, I’m thinking about relocating our newly purged office to the dining room and putting Brandon’s play area (currently in the living room) in there as well. It’d be really different, but I love the idea of being able to see Brandon while I cook and he plays. The setup now doesn’t allow that.

Decisions, decisions.

The funniest thing of all? Now that my house is so clean, I totally want to invite people over!! :) So much for not being dinner party people!

A promise kept

Have you ever had a year that is so momentous that you feel like you can relive it every single time you hear it mentioned? That year for me was 2000. It was a huge year. (And I don’t mean because of the 2000 election, in which Tallahassee had a starring role, whether it wanted it or not!)

In January, something devastating and hurtful happened just before I moved from my cute little studio apartment into my (recently deceased) great aunt’s house to live while it was in probate.

In February and March, I spent all my spare time distracting myself by setting up house and trying not to be lonely. I lived on the other side of town from my parents in a super cute house surrounded by a neighborhood that was slightly run down and perhaps not the most law-abiding at times.

In April I turned a corner. I began to regain my balance only to begin the process at work of going through a re-org. Uncertainty was everywhere, including in me. I didn’t know what I was doing there other than marking time.

In May I flew to Canada - and this is where things get interesting - and promised Matt that I would move to Canada by the American Thanksgiving. (For anyone who isn’t in the know, that effectively gave me an extra six weeks.)

In June I dragged my brother to St. Petersburg, FL to go to a Canadian consulate-approved doctor to have the medical exam required for my Permanent Resident Visa. 

In July I found out that my great aunt’s house was done with probate. Since the rent on it was out of my budget I had to move again. (That’d be move #2.) And I also turned 23.

In August I moved into the apartment that I’d found in July. It turns out that my dear friend was moving back to town and needed a place, so she moved in with me. Perfect - someone to take over the lease when I left by November.

September came and so did Matt. He spent a week hanging out with me and my family, seeing the sights in Tallahassee and this is the one visit we had together that I can barely remember. The highlight was Starvin’ Marvin and his stinky bum and flakey skin playing with Emo and Colonel Mustard, but that’s another story for another day.

October was a really big month. When it started, I lined up a second job for myself as a seasonal worker at Barnes and Noble, hoping with each passing day that my Visa would arrive soon. All the paperwork had been sent in plenty of time for me to get it by the end of October and I was getting nervous.

Midway through the month, my roommate and I noticed that Colonel Mustard wasn’t eating so I took him to the vet. Diagnosis: most likely FIP. I said my goodbyes to the best cat ever the next day. I only had him a year and a half, but he’d been with me through a LOT.

Within about a week or week and a half, I was at the second job one night, bored and counting the seconds until I could leave, when I got a call. It was my mom. She never called me at work but she wanted to let me know there was something from the Canadian Consulate (or whoever it was that sent my Visa; I can’t remember now). And I just gave away what was in the package.

And here’s the relief part: I was movin’ to Canada! I was going to keep the promise I’d made. 

I already had my resignation letter written. All I had to do was change the date, print, sign and give it to my supervisor, who was expecting it.

About a week after I gave my three-week notice I left work early, wrapping up by scheduling a meeting with my supervisor and someone from the big boss’ office. Later that night, a coworker called me at home to give me a heads up that my supervisor - someone I truly liked - had been let go. The next Monday morning, he called me at my desk to say his goodbyes - he was a great man to work for.

By then, November had come, I had two weeks left to work and I no longer had a supervisor. You’d think I would have switched off, but I didn’t. I had the final awards ceremony that I was going to manage and that was important to me. I had some big send-offs from the people I had worked with for 3.5 years. When Matt rolled into town in late November, sporting a champagne-colored minivan, I hadn’t even packed a box. (Gasp!) I was in total denial that I was leaving.

Matt spent the days I had left at work walking around the (huge) complex and going into every building to collect boxes. We didn’t have a single moment alone since he’d driven into town. So, when he got tired of waiting, he went for it right where we were - my cubicle - and with a co-worker walking by chit-chatting with me. When she saw him down on one knee (before I did), she quickly scurried away. He asked and I said yes.

It was Monday, November 20th, I was engaged and I was definitely moving to Canada. It was a done deal. We quickly packed everything we could into the van over the next two days. Said as many goodbyes as we could and celebrated an early Thanksgiving with my parents and brother.

The day before Thanksgiving, amidst political turmoil, Matt and I drove away from my parents’ house on our way north, just as I’d promised.

That was when the real relief began.

*****

This post was based on the prompt “A moment you felt truly relieved” from Mama Kat’s writing workshop. 

What’s your moment of relief?

Unwanted Change

Within the last year, I’ve had some experiences that have slowly changed me. I feel myself becoming more cynical, negative, even jaded. I’ve found myself feeling overly suspicious of people’s motives and intentions. It’s partly a coping mechanism, but I don’t like this new aspect of myself. 

I like to think I’m a trustworthy person and I’m willing to trust people at their word until proven otherwise. But I’m starting to question what I’m told on a regular basis. I think it’s healthy to be discerning, but automatic distrust is hard for me. It doesn’t feel right.

The battle between my natural instinct to accept everyday occurrences at face value and my newly minted cynical side is weighing me down with stress. I alternate between resistance to this change and wanting to go with the flow because it’s easier.

It took me months (and my husband’s input) to see this was happening, and weeks to figure out the answer to the problem.

Just as I do with my son when he’s getting upset, I have to remove myself from the situation. It won’t be as easy as plucking a child off the floor and carrying them to another room, but one way or another I’ll figure out how to make it happen. 

*****

Written in participation of Bigger Picture Moments, “A moment where you recognized the role your faith plays in your every day life. A moment where you take note of motherhood and the importance of what you are doing. A moment that made you stop and breathe in the bigness of it all. The hugeness that is life and the small moments adding up to one Bigger Picture.” Check out this week’s posts at Madeline Bea.

"Getting to know [me], Getting to know all about [me]."

I’ve spent the better part of the last two months thinking through 2009 and all that happened throughout the year. It’s taken me that long to process and get some perspective on everything that happened. A couple of key events in 2010 have impacted how I view 2009 as well. All I can say is that the last 14 months have been about nothing but change in every area of my life. The changes have taught me a lot about myself – things I don’t think I knew before.

I had a little baby boy in my life a year ago and he’s grown into a little boy. Though he will always be my “baby”, there is nothing “baby” about him anymore. He is a boy with determination, stubbornness and intelligence that make me smile daily with pride. Every new word he says, every new game he plays, every new adventure he goes on all give me a thrill that this is my child growing up and learning so much! Is there anything at all more exciting than watching a child explore this world? It’s hard not to have a radical change in perspective when you get to see the world through your child’s eyes.

At the start of last year, I was on maternity leave, but within a couple of weeks, I was back at work full time. I had a job that I thought I was going to be in for the foreseeable future. It didn’t take long to realize that things had changed. Despite that I had no plans to leave, but I wasn’t enjoying my work anymore. When I was laid off in May, it was one of the worst experiences of my entire life but I can’t say I was surprised or even all that bothered to be leaving. My biggest fear was whether I could find a new job quickly enough to avoid the difficult circumstance of being forced to make other major changes in our life circumstances.

Being laid off for five months right on the heels of a year’s worth of reduced income due to maternity/parental leave was challenging, but we made it. On a bit of a whim, I applied for a job at a company that I’d long known but never really thought about working for. I didn’t get the job I applied for but was offered another position – one that we all felt was a better fit. Having been there now for almost 5 months, I can say I feel well-suited to do the job but it doesn’t give me quite the same sense of satisfaction that the work at my last job did. I haven’t figured out how I feel about that yet.

In a way, it’s good. I can leave my work at the office at the end of the day. But there isn’t as much opportunity for me to be creative and use some of my other valuable skills. That’s been hard for me to come to terms with, but I’m in the unique position of being on contract. So, I get to check out my employer for over a year while they check me out too - longest job interview ever! If I prove myself, I could end up with a permanent job offer or, at the very least, a strong, positive reference from a well-respected organization.

The role I’m in has reinforced some of the knowledge of myself I was gaining throughout the year. I have had to face a number of difficult situations that could have gone one of two ways – I could either lose my temper and let my anger and frustration reign free, telling them exactly what I thought without reservation. Or I could respond with dignity and grace. I hate confrontation. I always have and I probably always will. I’ve often used classic passive-aggressive techniques to avoid confrontation. Who doesn’t?

To be brutally honest, I only barely managed the dignity part of my layoff and, initially, I think it was only because I was in shock at how I was treated. By the end of my final week, I just wanted to be able to say that I truly took the high road and conducted myself with civility, respect and integrity – fulfilling my role right down to the very last day. Perhaps the experience helped me to deal with some of the situations I’ve found myself in since starting my new job. I’ve discovered a wealth of patience inside of me that I truly never knew existed before. Perhaps it was always there and becoming a mom has forced me to use it. Maybe it wasn’t there and I’ve just been forced to develop it. Who knows? I’ve learned that I can handle confrontation. I can face it head-on, keep my cool, stay rational and dignified.

When I realized all of these little tid-bits about myself, I figured that I might just finally deserve the title “adult”. Maybe 2009 was less about change and more about getting to know myself and what I’m capable of doing through the circumstances I’m thrown into. Either way, it’s been both empowering and enlightening. I still have a long way to go, but I’m finding I like myself a little bit more this year.